Insanity
by AngryBuddha
Summary: Katniss loses her mother and sister in the Hunger Games after they are used as bait for Katniss, and she fails to reach them in time. Now wracked with guilt and slowly losing her mind, Finnick, Peeta and Johanna must try and save her from the dark reaches of her mind and bring back The Girl on Fire to challenge the Capitol. Finnick/Katniss. Review please.
1. Chapter 1

_**Okay so this isn't really a chapter, just a taster, wondering if I should carry it on? Reviews really really needed please! Thank you so much - Meg**_

I cover my ears to muffle the sound of the _screams_. I cover my eyes to shield the sight of the _blood_. But none of that is any good anymore. Because its not physical anymore. It's not happening right in front of me. It's happening _inside_ my head. And that is somewhere I cannot reach, I cannot muffle the sounds there or shield what I see, because I am no longer in control of my mind. I have lost control. Because sometimes it is a perfectly appropriate response to go insane. I scream out the loudest screech I can conjure hoping not only that everyone on earth hears my pain, but that the inner demons controlling my mind do too.

I am Katniss Everdeen, i have lost my family but I will not lose my mind.

"She's screaming _again_."

"Oh well thank you Johanna. What great fucking detective skills. Don't you think I can _hear_ her?"

"I don't know. Your pacing up and down as if your set on repeat, lost in your thoughts. I don't know what you can hear."

"I can hear _everything_. Every scream that she makes, every single 5 minutes, for the last 37 hours."

"Finnick, you should sleep."

"Peeta's getting some coffee. I can't leave her, I promised her sister and her mother that I'd _never_ leave her."


	2. A Promise

**I decided to write another chapter, which carries on from the last taster. I thank you so much for reviews! But I don't think I'll be continuing this :(**

I'm running through the forest. At first it feels like home, like I'm back hunting in district 12 with Gale. I look out for any kind of bird to hunt and bring back to Prim and my mother, Turkeys are Prim's favourite and I haven't got one in a while.

The forest is silent, no birds, no creatures what so ever. This place, it must be home? It looks exactly the same. But something is different. The smell, the air, the atmosphere, something. Something is wrong. _Very wrong_.

I look up to the sky, expecting to see the fluffy white summer clouds to match the heat I'm feeling on my pale skin, but Instead the sky is clear and I can see a slight glimmer in the blue sky. I remember someone telling me about it, about a glimmer in the light meaning its an electro-magnetic field, intended to separate us and them. It's a fence, something to keep me trapped in here...

And then it hits me. I'm in the arena. I'm in the Hunger Games. _Again_.

My own panic is ripped by the sounds of someone's screams. I'm in the games, hearing someone's screams isn't exactly unknown. After all 23/24 must die. But these screams are familiar. It's as if their piercing through my skin, making their way through my blood stream and up into my heart, tearing me apart from the inside.

It's Prim and my mother.

_**Katniss! Katniss! Help us!**_

I follow the sounds of the screams as they worsen. They're in danger and its getting worse. I'm running as fast as my body will physically allow as the trees slide by me at my speed. I dodge in between the trees carefully, I can't afford to lose any time. I must find them.

_**Katniss! Please hurry Katniss!**_

"I'm hurrying! I'm running as fast as I can." I shout to them, hoping to bring them a shred of reassurance. I'm trying my best to follow the screams but I keep getting lost. A single tear slips down my cheek. What if I don't make it in time? The tears keep coming, they're worsening my vision, _stupid Katniss_ I think to myself, now is no time to be weak.

**_Katniss, they'll kill us! _**

What will? Oh god, I need help. "Finnick! Peeta! Johanna! Please help me." Someone, anyone, help me. I can't find them, I'm running in circles, yet I must be so close. Oh god, oh god help me. Prim! Mom! I shout out to them.

**_Katni- _**

As I'm finally getting closer to the screams, they stop. Mid-sentence. Oh god. What's happened? I scream as loud as I can.

Suddenly someone's shaking me, with their muscular arms around my waist. The smell of the forest changes from the faint smell of the pine trees to the strong smell of the salty ocean.

"Katniss please, please stop screaming. I can barely take it anymore, its tearing me apart. I'm supposed to be looking after you." It's Finnick.

My eyes flutter open, and I'm not in the forest anymore. I'm in a white room, in a hospital bed. Endless mounts of wires are connected to me, some are measuring my brain patterns, others my heart beat. Finnicks beautiful sea green eyes are burying deep into my soul, and I don't think they're liking what their finding. It's like he's reading me like I book. I don't want him to hear the thoughts inside my head. He'd think I was pathetic or weak, he is _Finnick Odair_. He killed 12 people in his first hunger games, aged only 14. He shows no remorse, no feeling.

Finnick is one of my closest friends, I know he loves Annie. But he can't save me like he did her. It's not his job or his responsibility. It's mine.

I'm Katniss Everdeen, I will not lose my mind.

Suddenly I become very aware that Finnick's arms are still around my waist, and I can feel tears pouring into shoulder where his face is nestled. Why is he crying? He doesn't _see_ what I _see_, _hear_ what I _hear_ or _feel_ what I feel. He looks up to me, his eyes blotchy and red, as if he's been crying for hours. Either that or awake for hours. Probably the latter.

"Finnick?" I ask. I don't know what I'm expecting. I know in my heart what happened. Even if I can only remember part of what happened. I know they're dead.

"Oh thank god Everdeen, you've been lost in your own world for the last day and a half" he smiles slightly, glad to have me back, but I'm sure he doesn't feel great about the circumstances either.

"They're dead aren't they? My mother and Prim" I ask. I might as well have it confirmed. I feel myself slipping again. Slipping back into the dark reaches of my mind. At least in my dreams I can hear their voices again, and feel the shred of hope I did when I felt as if I was getting closer to them.

Finnick wakes me from my thoughts.

"Yes Katniss, they are. I'm so sorry." He reaches out and squeezes me hand. It helps a bit, if only to share the pain around my body a bit.

"I should've saved them Finnick, I should've been quicker. It's _my_ fault. I got so lost and frustrated-"

"-Katniss it was not your fault. Can you remember what happened? I'm not trying to bring it up its just I need to know-" Finnick eyes look duller than usual. He looks genuinely concerned for me, but yet I feel nothing. Just numbness. As if my body is shutting itself down, starting from the inside; my mind.

"-I don't remember much Finnick. Just hearing their petrified screams and running around endlessly in the forest to try and find them. Then the screams just suddenly stopped, like something's happened to them."

"It's not your fault Katniss."

"It is. I should've died, i should've died, I should've died, I should've died, I should've died, I should-"

"Katniss stop it. I made a promise that I would look after you and that's what I intend to do. I've dealt with Annie before, I can deal with you."

I scream again, and Finnick releases his arms from me as if I'm some kind of infected body. I probably remind him of Annie, I'm sure he misses her. He should be with her. I think I'm a lost case. My mind is shutting down, it won't be long before my heart does and everything else too. I have nothing else to live for anymore, and I can feel that in my core.

"Please Katniss, please stop. Your reminding me of Annie..."

I keep screaming, I can't stop myself. It's drowns out my thoughts, my horrible horrible thoughts. If I can't hear my thoughts then they can't tear me apart. Oh god, I'm going insane.

I'm Katniss Everdeen and I will not lose my mind.

I feel like I'm fighting an internal battle between staying strong and fighting like I always have, or realising that I have nothing left to fight for and shutting down.

Finnicks heart is breaking is front of me but that's too bad because mine is already shattered. The pieces on the ground so shattered I may as well not have a heart. I don't care about anything or anyone anymore. I'm numb to feeling, because everytime i let myself feel something i get punished.

Finnick slowly hangs his head to the ground, and mutters "where's the spark in my girl on fire?"

And I quietly reply, "it's extinguished."

Finnick slowly stands up to leave looking defeated, he walks towards the door and opens it to leave my room and gives me one last message, "I'll re-light it Katniss, if its the last thing I ever do."

I wonder how he supposes he'll do that. I'm _not_ Annie. I'm _not_ his charity case, his one woman that he cares about. I'm his friend, why does he see this as his responsibility? Plus what promise did he make to look after me?

**Finnick POV **

I'm sat in the seat beside Katniss' hospital bed. She's asleep and dreaming at the moment, but I don't how long it will be before it slips into a nightmare. I know she is _not_ Annie, I don't see her as Annie. I don't think that just because I helped Annie, it means I can help Katniss. God knows i don't have any special skills beside determination. I know that if I really want something, i will reach it. I have to try, I promised I would always try. I will not leave Katniss' side until I know she can cope on her own. I gave her mother my word. And Finnick Odair always keeps a promise.

She looks beautiful when she's silently asleep. No more screaming Girl on Fire.


	3. Life goes on

Okay so the reviews are really good and helpful! So thanks so much! But I really need some more for motivation, I enjoy writing this story but its not getting many views or reviews, so please if you want me to continue it please review :( anyways, heres the next chapter...

As their screams stop it only increases my panic. I have no noise to follow to their location anymore and so I'm running on instincts.

Why would their screams just suddenly stop like that? What could of happened to them? Dammit why wasn't I faster. I should of been with them by now. And now I have no sound to follow.

_Mom, Prim!_

I call out to them as they had to me. But there is still no response from them. Only silence and the sounds of rustling leaves and as trample them. I'm running frantically. I have no idea whether I'm still running in circles. It's messing with my mind.

The tears are rushing down my cheek, and my legs feel weak as though they might collapse. I've been running with my all my physical and emotional energy, and it feels like I've got no where. Everything looks the same.

Suddenly the trees look a little different. I dont think i've been in this bit before.

I'm not running in circles anymore I realise.

_Mom! Prim!_ I shout again. Still no response. I shout once more, and silence follows as expected.

As I reach a clearing, I spot them in the distance. They're laying down on the ground. Their bodies look _lifeless_, and I can feel in my heart that they are gone from me forever.

_Oh god, I was too late._

I then see the vibrant, red splatters of blood leaving their bodies and escaping onto the bright green grass. Surrounding them are two mutts, with a trident each in their stomach. They're dead too. Someone intercepted this and killed the mutts, but they were too late as well. At least they did better than me.

I can't believe I'm too late, too late to save them. I could've saved them but I didn't. It's tearing me apart. My heart is ripping up, i can feel it physically _hurting_ me.

I've lost everything, everyone. I have nothing to live for anymore. I scream at the top of my lungs; there is no rational thing I can do at this point.

But I'm interrupted once again by someone shaking me, the salty smell hits me once more. _Finnick_.

"-Katniss! Katniss! Peeta and Johanna want to see you" he says, as my eyes flutter open he stops shaking me so violently. My vision is initially blurred but soon I see the faint outlines of two familiar faces in the doorway of my hospital room; Peeta and Johanna.

I smile faintly at their presence and they use it as an excuse to come running over an hugging me, Finnick pulls them back slightly. He's very protective over me. He should just let me go, they all should. I'm no good to anyone and especially not myself. I want to leave this world.

"Katniss you have no idea how _happy_ I am that your ok-" Peeta starts, but I interrupt him.

"-and you have no idea how _unhappy_ I am that I'm ok. I want to die. Let me die." I screech.

"I thought we were finally getting somewhere, Katniss. We had a rational conversation yesterday, and now its back to screeching and wanting to be dead?" Finnick sneers.

"I'm _not_ Annie, Finnick." I say through my teeth. He looks deeply angered by my comment. I don't care. Just because Annie saw someone get killed and went a bit crazy, doesn't mean it's the same situation. She couldn't of saved them, they weren't the bait for her. Finnick can't help me, no one can.

"Don't you think I know that? Who do you think I'd rather be with right now? Annie or _little miss everything's about me_? You think you know everything Katniss but you don't."

"My mother and my sister that meant the world to me were killed because _I_ couldn't get to them in time, it was _my_ fault. They were my bait and I couldn't help them. Sorry if I feel a little bit down, and sorry the attentions not all on _you_ for once Finnick."

"I don't want the attention! I just want you to think. You are strong Katniss, I know you are. Your the girl on fire and well, life goes on."

"They were my life. There's no reason to go on without them." I say, as I notice Peeta and Johanna slowly edging towards the door to leave. I didn't mean to scare them away.

"Well then find something worth living for. You still have Gale, Peeta, Johanna, Haymitch and even me..."

I appreciate that Finnick is trying, and maybe he feels like this is his personal duty because of how he helped Annie or some other reason, I don't know. All I know is that Prim and my mother were my world, and now that there gone my world is falling apart and destroying itself from the inside; through my mind.

"I just don't think I can. It's just-" I begin, but Finnick interrupts me.

"-easier to shut down? I know it is Katniss. It's easier to shut down and retreat into yourself than it is to fight for your life back. To fight for your sanity. But I'm going to help you. I'm going to show you what you have to live for, and prove to you that the world always keeps on spinning."

"How are you going to show me?"

"Well first stop is district 12. C'mon, Peeta, Johanna and I are taking you to see Gale. Lets get you out of the mental hospital shit hole. It's not doing you any good." He flashes me a classic Finnick Odair smile, and its mildly reassuring.

I smile back. And it must be the first time I've smiled since, well since _then_.

I can do this.

I'm Katniss Everdeen.

I've lost my mother and my sister, But I will not lose my mind.

I am strong, and I will not be defeated.

_Life goes on._


	4. Understanding

**Review review review please. i know this update took a long time, but ive been debating whether to continue it or not, what do you think? - Meg**

The moment I slipped out of the doors of the hospital a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I inhaled the fresh, perfumed air of the Capitol and my system felt flushed of the toxins that had been injected into my body whilst in there. I was free physically. But emotionally my mind was still trapped by its inner demons. The feeling of freedom swept from me as I realised that I would never truly be free. I had lost everything that had given me my freedom, happiness and sanctity.

"Well, how does the fresh air taste?" Finnick asked me, as he took a gulp of his max-caffeine coffee. Another wonderful Capitol invention.

"Like the Capitol I suppose...it's very extravagant. If air could ever possibly taste extravagant." I replied.

"We'll all be on the train to district 12 in no time." He said as he downed the rest of his coffee and threw his plastic cup onto the ground, and walked off to find Peeta and Johanna. Normally I'd of picked the cup up, look after the environment and all that shit. But honestly I couldn't care less anymore, and this place couldn't get any uglier.

I sat on a bench shaped like a pair of lips and I kinda wished they could swallow me up. A few minutes later Finnick returned to check on me. Probably just making sure I haven't decided to walk out in front of one of the many trains that have passed me by. And to be honest, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't considered it. But the prospect of getting to district 12 again, and seeing Gale, made me a little hopeful. It'd be awful being there without Mom and Prim, but I'd have everyone else.

"You feeling alright?" Finnick asked me as he sat down beside me on the strange bench.

"I'm ok. How are you?" I replied, I realised I'd never asked how Finnick was. I mean he'd been in the hunger games too, he lived the trauma, he was there when they died, and despite my anger at the world this moment; he had tried to save them. I owed him for that.

"Me? I'm ok I guess." He said, smiling a little. It was nice to see someone smile, even if it was just faintly.

"Good. You missing Annie?" I tried to look comfortingly at him.

"Yeah. I'm just generally missing home. But I'm looking after you Katniss. I'm never going to leave you, ok? Besides, I'll make it home eventually." He replied, and this time he definitely smiled. A big smile. He simply couldn't wait to be home. And this triggered me into smiling at the thought of being home, and soon we were both smiling like a couple of babies who had just realised that they could.

"Yeah you will. Thank you Finnick, by the way, just thank you. For everything." I said, pulling him into a side hug with my right arm.

"I wasn't ever gonna let you down." He said, he really was comforting me. Knowing I still had people that cared about me helped so much.

"Well, then that favour will be returned. I'm not going to let you down either."

"Good, now the trains here; lets get you home girl on fire." He said, helping me up an holding my hand and leading me onto the train, and making jump I don't jump under it I guess.

* * *

** Katniss!**

** Katniss!**

** Katniss!**

**_Why can't you save us Katniss? _**

I wake up screaming as loud as I possibly can, and I look to the window and realise I'm on the train. And although that was a dream, its still the reality.

Suddenly Finnick comes running in, he must of heard my screams.

"Another bad dream?" He asks with an accompanying sigh.

"Well I can't exactly control them, sorry." I snap back at him.

"Stop thinking about it, and then maybe you won't dream about it?" He retaliates. It's 3:42am, why is he bothering to be like this? If he hadn't caused such a fuss, he could probably be back in his room assleep by now.

"Urgh. You do not understand Finnick." I lay my head back down onto the pillow.

"You think that do you?" He said, raising his voice a little. My last comment must've really stirred something in him. Note to self: remember this if you want to piss off Finnick Odair.

"Yes. I do. You did not have the two people that you loved the most in the world used as bait because if a stupid Capitol game that means nothing to them. Their reality TV show is my life, and my pain." I shouted back at him.

"Yes, and I've also been in that reality TV show twice. The first time, two of my best friends were used as my bait. I didn't make it to save them either Katniss. And then, after the games when I refused to cooperate, they killed my father and brother. Don't you ever say that I do not understand, because I do." He shouted to me. Oh my god, how could I have misjudged him so much?

Finnick moves to sit at the end of the bed, and I sit up and look into his eyes. They're welling up with tears.

"We weren't meant to save them Katniss. Never in a million years were we ever going to be able to save them, it wasn't in the game makers script. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can move on with whats left of your life." He says quietly, a stark contrast from the shouting a few moments before. I move closer to him, and pull him into a tight hug, and we both shed a few tears. He's right, I know he is. It's just going to take a little time for me to accept it. Me and Finnick lay back onto the bed, and before long we're fast asleep as we hold each other tightly. I can't let him down, not after all he is doing for me.


	5. Changes

**Hi guys! So I've sorta fallen in love with this story now so as long as it keeps getting views and reviews I'll update quite quickly. If you've not read my other hunger games story, I suggest you do as its also Katniss/Finnick, and its a little more flirty and lighthearted. Whereas this one is gonna be dealing with some difficult issues in the next few chapters, but I'll give you a heads up when :) **

**thanks for reading- meg**

* * *

I woke up to the overwhelming beautiful smell of sea salt, and my blurry morning vision could only pick out two sparkly green gems staring back at me. I rubbed my eyes with my fists, and as my vision adjusted to the bright sun blaring in through my train carriage window, I realised it was Finnick. His arms were around me, but he quickly removed them and shuffled away from me a little when he realised we'd spent the night in each others arms.

"Oh, erm, I'm sorry Katniss. I must've fallen asleep." He said, trying to cover some of his bare chest with the blanket.

"It's alright. It was quite nice to have someone to hold me, I didn't have anymore nightmares." I replied, trying to grab some of the blanket back to cover what my nightdress was failing to.

"Me neither actually. But still we shouldn't of-"

"-I know. I mean Annie-" I start, but he interrupts.

"-must never know. Annie must never know Katniss. I know it seems pathetic, but to her, well, it'd be a big deal." He rubs his head with his palms a little, as if he was worried.

"I understand, I'm not exactly gonna go around shouting 'Me and Finnick Odair slept together!' Am I?" I laughed. It was nice to laugh.

"I guess not. I'm gonna go get changed, we must be nearly in district 12 now. Are you ok?"

"Yes Finnick, _I'm fine_." I answered with a little chuckle, for what must be the hundredth time. He just nodded, and got up and after checking no one could see him leaving my room wearing nothing but his underwear, he left.

I slipped on some jeans and a jumper, fixed my hair into a side plait and left my room.

I wandered down the halls and eventually found Finnick, Peeta and Johanna sat eating breakfast in a room I suppose is intended for socialising and eating. The all said 'morning', and I took the seat next to Finnick and opposite Peeta and smiled faintly at them all.

The table was piled high with various types of bacon, eggs, bread and sausages on one side, and on the other stood bowls of yoghurt, fruits and cereals. I looked at the savoury items briefly, but frankly they made my stomach churn. I hadn't eaten anything since I'd left the hospital, and even there I had been on a drip. I grabbed a small bowl and piled a little fruit in and nibbled on it for a few moments.

"Is that all your going to eat, Katniss?" Peeta asked me, looking at me with concerning eyes.

"The bacon is _incredible_. Absolutely fucking incredible." Johanna added, piling even more onto her plate and shoving it down her throat faster than my brain could register.

"I'm not very hungry." I replied, adding a light smile that said back off, yet thank you for the concern both at the same time.

"You haven't eaten a thing since you left the hospital Katniss." Finnick said. Oh so he had registered that I had entered the room, it was the first time he'd acknowledged me since he'd left my room this morning.

"I just don't feel hungry." This time my look just said back off. I didn't feel hungry. Besides I felt guilty eating any of this. Soon I'd be back home in a place where the extent of such luxurious food is a freshly caught pigeon.

"You've lost so much weight Katniss, you don't look healthy." He said, but he still hadn't looked directly at me.

"Well I'd been meaning to go on a diet anyway." I said with a laugh, trying to add a little humour to the situation.

"Why would you want to? You were _perfect_ before Katniss." This time he looked deep into my eyes, wow. He really meant that. Peeta and Johanna suddenly stopped eating and looked at Finnick. I suppose it had sounded a little..._loving_.

"I-urm, thank you Finnick." I didn't know what else to say. But it didn't matter, because he just got up, slammed his chair under and walked out of the room. We sat in silence for a few moments before Johanna said,

"Woah. Whats going on with you guys?" The very way she said it made it sound like we were a bunch of flirting teens. It made me sick a little.

"Nothing Jo. He was just being nice." I responded, taking another bite of the strange, sweet fruit.

"Oh that's why he was leaving your room very suspiciously almost naked this morning?" She said, taking a sip of her max-caffeine coffee. This made Peeta almost spot his juice out, this was obviously the first he'd heard of it. I just laughed.

"He helped me when I had a nightmare last night, he merely fell asleep on my bed. That's it Johanna, nothing's going on."

"Hm. Well remember about Annie... Finnick is acting all serious and friendly with you now Katniss, but he has slept with more women than my mind can think. He is flirty Finnick Odair, Annie has grounded him a little, and he has no interest in any other girl, but you... Well he obviously thinks of you a little differently." She said, completely seriously. But I know Finnick, and he is more in love Annie than I think anyone realises.

"Thanks for the insight, Jo." I simply say, ending the conversation.

"Guys we're here! Katniss we're home! We're back in District 12!" Peeta started shouting, running over to the window to catch a glimpse of the oak trees.

I expected my heart to fly, but it sunk. I felt nothing but guilt. I was home, but _they weren't_. And they _never_ would be again.


	6. Denial

**This has become my favourite story! I got lots of ideas! Keep reviewing please, it means so much and is just massive motivation. - Meg**

* * *

I stepped off the train and straight into Gale's warm arms. He kissed my cheek, and spun my around in circles until my head was spinning and my sense of direction polarised. It had been 5 months since I'd seem him, since I'd been home even. If I'd class this as home now. I always classed my home as where my family is, but since I have no family now I don't suppose I have a home. But I have Gale, and that counts for a hell of a lot.

"Oh Katnip, I'm so happy you're home. I'm so sorry about what happened, I'm so-" Gale started, but I couldn't bare it. I didn't want pity. I wanted to try and forget about it.

"-lets not talk about that. Like ever. Well, at least not for a little while. I'm finally starting to get control of my mind, and after thinking of nothing else for the last week, I think its time to start thinking about something different. Finnick tells me to keep positive thoughts."

"Ok Katnip. So Finnick's been looking after you, ey? I'd never of had him pegged as Mr. Nice Guy." Gale said, and laughed a little. I understand what he meant, to be fair I hadn't either.

"Yeah, he's been looking after me. He's actually a really great guy. Testament to the fact that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover."

"But that's usually because the cover tells you everything you need to know."

"You get what I mean," I say with a laugh, and give Gale a little jokey hit.

He leads me away from the train station and I almost forget about Peeta, Johanna and Finnick. Luckily they don't forget me, and they follow me all the way back to the victors village. Me and Gale are lost in conversation about District 12, and all the things that have been happening with the residents. I suddenly notice we're at the gates to Victors Village, and I stop to stare for a little while.

_ I look behind me, and there's mom and Prim, suitcases in hand. Ready to start their new life, in our new home. Gale was by my side, his arm linked in mine. He gave me a smile, and I smiled back at him. For a moment I was lost in my thoughts looking up at the gate that clearly stated 'Victors Village.' I was a victor. Wow. _

_"Go on Katniss, open the gate!" Prim says, giggling away like the little girl she was. Mom was stood with her arm around Prim, and gives me her supportive 'you can do it' eyes. Words weren't mom's strong point, but I knew she was always there for me. _

_I smiled, hopeful for my new life here. I opened the gates slowly, by pulling the lever and then pushing it open. I looked back, but Mom and Prim were fading. Their faces moulding and changing, growing into different people._

And then I blinked and they were gone.

It was just Peeta and Johanna stood there with their suitcases. Gale's arm was still linked with mine though, and he could seem the despair in my face.

"Katnip, what's the matter?" He asked me, lifting my chin with his fingers and positioning my eyes to look into his.

"Just a flashback, from when we first moved in. I thought...I thought Peeta and Johanna were Mom and Prim."

"Sorry Katniss. C'mon, lets get you inside and I'll make you some coffee, ey?" Gale asked me, and I simply nodded, and picked up my suitcase and went into the house.

I sat on my chair, the chair I always sat on. I looked up and I could've sworn I saw Prim sat next to me, on the chair where she always sat.

_"Hey Katniss." Prim said._

_ "Hi Duck." I replied, smiling from ear to ear._

"Katniss?" Gale interrupted. Once again, Prim disappeared.

"Prim was just here..." I replied, starting to shake a little. I felt my mind slipping again.

"No Katnip, she wasn't..." He said, handing me the coffee and taking the seat next to me. Prim's seat.

"She was Gale! She was. I saw her." I snapped back at him. How could he understand?

"Alright, alright. Here drink your coffee. Maybe you should eat something?"

"I'm not hungry." And I wasn't. I couldn't remember what hunger felt like anymore.

"You look very thin..." Gale said, a little cautious of my response. So he should be.

"As everyone keeps telling me. I'm fine Gale. Where's Finnick?" I ask. I hadn't seen him since breakfast on the train this morning.

"In the forest somewhere." Gale responded, turning the TV on and biting into a turkey sandwich. He'd done quite well off my success.

_Breathe_. Calm the bitchiness Katniss.

"I'm gonna go find him. I'll take the coffee with me." I say, before storming out the house and as Gale says bye I could've sworn Mom had said it.

I throw the coffee away as soon as I'm out of sight of the house. I hate coffee. I didn't use to, but now it just takes bitter and rich to me. I search the forest for Finnick, and as I'm calling out his name it feels like I'm lost in the hunger games arena again.

I can't bare this anymore. I hear people calling my name, like Prim and Mom, and then Finnick. I call out all their names and the trees start spinning and the ground starts shaking and suddenly I collapse to the ground.

_Katniss, Katniss, don't give up. _

_Don't give up Katniss. _

_You're too strong for that. _

_Finnick's gonna look after you, he promised me he would. _

_Just promise me you won't give up? _

All I can see is black, but its Moms voice, I know it is.

_Katniss _

_promise me _

_Katniss _

_Katniss _

The voice is changing, deepening.

_Katniss _

_Promise me _

_Katniss _

_Katniss _

And suddenly the voice isn't Moms voice anymore, its Finnicks.

_ Promise me you're going to be okay, Katniss Please._

My eyes flutter open, and I can see the branches of the brown trees contrasting with the blue summer sky. At my side is Finnick, with one hand stroking my hair.

"Oh thank god you're okay Katniss. Stop bloody scaring me." He says, he voice sounded angry but there was a smile on his face.

"I can't do this Finnick. I keep seeing them. Mom and Prim, I keep seeing them." I mutter, my eyes adjusting to the sunlight.

"It's just a stage Katniss. The first of five unfortunately." He says, continuing to stroke my hair.

"What stage? What do you mean?" I ask.

"The stages of grief. The one you're in at the moment is denial, next anger, then bargaining, depression and acceptance."

"Oh god. I can't do this."

"See denial; denying you can do it, denying that they're dead, denying that you can move on. I'm here to help you Katniss."

"Is it even possible to help me?"

"Of course. I made it out of this when my dad and brother died. And your a hell of a lot stronger than me girl on fire. You'll be ok. Remember you promised? You promised you'd get me home."

"I know. Is district 4 even worth getting to?" I asked sarcastically. I'm sure its better than here.

"Of course! Have you ever seem the sea Katniss?"

"No I haven't."

"Well it's the most beautiful thing. After you of course." He said with a wink. Ah so this is flirty Finnick.

"Sweet talk is not gonna get you home any quicker." I say with a small smile.

"But it was worth a shot, right?"

"Oh yeah. It made me a little happy."

"A compliment from _the Finnick Odair_ and you're only 'a little happy'?"

"You have a very high opinion of yourself."

"Is it not rightfully so?" I just laughed. I guess it was. I mean he is lovely.

"So you can laugh. I was beginning to miss the sound of it."

If I was a normal girl or a Capitol woman I'm sure I'd be blushing uncontrollably right now. But this was Finnicks technique of cheering me up, and it was working.

I realised I still hadn't got up from the ground since I'd collapsed, and just as I was considering standing, Finnick laid down beside up and looked up at the sky.

"I am jealous of district 12's blue skies. The sea in district 4 always brings in the storms."

"It rains here rarely. Just enough to keep the trees green."

"It never rains in the Capitol."

"That's why everything's dead."

This was the first relaxed conversation I'd had with Finnick. I hadn't thought about ripping his brains out or fucking his brains out. Not that I thought about the latter one much. Just when I slept against his bare chest last night. To be fair, after spending a week so close to someone who was considered the most attractive man in Panem I hadn't really thought about him in that way much at all. I guess I'd had other things on my mind.

"Unfortunately the people aren't." He responded, interrupting my rather strange thought chain.

"No, unfortunately not. Look Finnick, I still don't really know what happened in the hunger games, I mean what happened to Haymitch and-"

"-we'll talk about it at the end of your stages, ok? I promise I will tell you everything then, but now, well now I don't want to."

"Alright Finn."

"Don't call me Finn."

"Alright Finny."

"Don't call me Finny either."

"Alright fish boy."

He just laughed.


	7. Hope

**_Hi guys! This story has been getting such a great response and amazing reviews. Thank you so much for them, I honestly can't describe how much they mean to me. Recently I've been not having such a great time, and I'm actually bi-polar and recently has been a major down...but I love writing this story, and its such an escape for me. Your reviews are such amazing motivation, and I really appreciate ideas for my stories as I don't always have a great idea of where the story is going...haha! Thank you again, and I hope your enjoying this! Keep reviewing, and if you haven't reviewed...REVIEW! haha - meg_**

* * *

**Katniss POV**

I woke up the next morning at 7am. I pulled back the blind over my window and let the sun blare into my dark room. The sun was just rising, and i had almost forgotten just how beautiful the mess of oranges, reds and yellows peaking up above the horizon was.

I slipped on a summer dress and a pair a converse trainers, and let my hair fall down in loose curls. I made my way down the stairs, and into the kitchen where Johanna, Peeta, Finnick and Gale were already sat eating breakfast.

"Katnip, come sit, come eat something..." Gale half-asked, half-demanded. I pulled the chair out and took the seat opposite Finnick.

"Hm. I'm not too hungry actually." I said, gazing at the massive stack of pancakes smothered in syrup.

"Katniss you haven't eaten since you left the hospital. Your weight is just dropping off you. You're gonna get seriously ill if your not careful." Johanna added, before piling in another pancake whole, which rather took away from the seriousness of what she had just said. I laughed a little.

"I ate some fruit at breakfast yesterday, remember." I said. It was true, I did eat a bit of fruit yesterday.

"What do you feel like eating?" Finnick asked me, looking up from his pancakes with a smile. I instantly felt a little more relaxed. I didn't want to be pressured to eat. At the moment, the very thought of it was making me feel a little ill.

"Erm, I guess if I had to eat I'd like some chocolate cake." It was my favourite, and one of the only things that didn't make my stomach churn to think about digesting it.

"Well then the lady shall have chocolate cake." Finnick said in a strange, posh voice.

"We don't have any chocolate cake, and its Tuesday. The bakery is closed on Tuesdays." Gale said, bursting my chocolaty, heavenly bubble.

"Well then its a good job I know how to make the best damn chocolate cake in Panem." Finnick said, giving me a wink.

"I do have to warn you that my mom used to make a pretty darn good one too." I said.

"Ooo so I have competition?" He replied, a little cheeky smile on his face.

"Yep." I said, the smile on my face staring back at him.

"Perhaps I should let your mom win? Respect the dead and all that." He said. It was the first joke anyone had made about my mom being dead. I'm glad it was Finnick who'd made it, if it had been anyone else I might of snapped. But to my surprise I just laughed, and said,

"Presuming yours is better, which I'm highly doubting." I replied, everyone around the table was in shock. Me and Finnick were just bouncing off of each other, making jokes, being happy. I suppose it was a shock to see me like this.

"We'll see. Remember I won't be in my usual cooking environment, nor using my usual ingredients, so it may be a _fraction less than perfect_. Bare that in mind." He said, his smile widening even more.

"Woah woah, I'm not taking circumstances into consideration. If its good, its good. If its not, well then sorry Finnick, _its not._" I replied. Finnick just laughed, and for a couple of moments we just stayed silent and sorta gazed into each other eyes.

Gale just coughed.

"Erm, can we turn the flirting down a tad please?" Oh fuck off Gale, I thought. I ignored my thoughts and said,

"We're not flirting Gale."

"C'mon Katniss, lets go make some cake at Haymitchs old place. If your alright with that..." Finnick asked me, he didn't want an arguement to start with Gale.

"Yeah, sure." I said with a smile, and Finnick helped me out of my chair and we made the few short steps across the street to Haymitch's old house.

Finnick had a key, as it had been cleaned and prepared for him or Johanna to stay in during their visit here. Finnick led me into the kitchen, and as I wiped my hand along the kitchen units I had flashbacks of Haymitch sat around the table, bottle of whiskey in hand, rambling on about how all hope in life is never lost.

I was starting to understand what he'd meant in his drunken rambles.

_ "Remember Katniss, hope never abandons you. You abandon it. There is nothing in life you cannot achieve, no low that you cannot climb back up from. Even in the darkest moments you will ever witness the stars will still shine, and in the end the dawn will come and the sun will rise even more brightly than before."_

I smiled faintly at the flashback, feeling a kind of peace in my heart.

"Katniss?" Finnick said, awaking me from my flashback and making Haymitch disappear.

"Oh, err, sorry. Haymitch was talking." I said, and then realised how crazy I must've sounded.

"Flashback?" He asked, reaching into the cupboard and pulling out a mixing bowl, some flour, sugar and cocoa.

"Yeah. But a nice one." I said with a smile, walking over towards him to observe his skills. Finnick smiled back, and reached into the cupboard and pulled out an electric whisk. He started putting ingredients into the bowl and whisking.

"Katniss, can you put that bowl of flour in?" He asked. I picked up the big bowl of flour and put it all into the bowl at once. It instantly created a massive cloud of flour, that spilled over the edges and all down me. It had turned my hair and face white. Finnick just looked at me and started hysterically laughing.

I wiped my eyes clean, so that I could see and grabbed the rest of the bag of flour and poured it on Finnicks head.

"_Got a bit of dandruff Finnick_?" I asked, laughing back at him.

"_Oh it's on now_." He replied, chasing me round the kitchen with the cocoa powder and occasionally throwing some at me.

I quickly grabbed an egg from the fridge and threw at his chest, cracking it down his top on impact. I laughed even more, and he laughed along with me. He was chasing me all round the kitchen table, and started chucking milk from the carton across the room at me.

He finally caught up with me, and we both slipped over into a puddle of milk, egg, flour and cocoa. We couldn't stop laughing. It was the happiest I had felt in such a long time. All horrible thoughts melted away, and I could think about was trying to breath with all the laughing I was doing.

I was in Finnicks arms on the floor, when he said,

"Katniss Everdeen. You are one hell of a girl. Not at all what I had expected."

"Ditto, Mr Odair." I said, wiping some of the egg from my face to his. Our lips inches apart. In that brief moment I thought about kissing him. About crashing my dry, hopeless lips onto his beautiful ones. About moving our lips around together, and how i'd close my eyes and everything would be ok. But then i thought about Annie. And about how Finnick was likely to push me straight off him. So I just said,

"Is there any ingredients left to make a chocolate cake?" And laughed. Finnick just smiled his big, perfect smile.

"Sure, you wait here and I'll go get some from across the street."

* * *

**Finnick POV **

I walked into the kitchen covered in flour, egg, milk and cocoa from head to toe, and Gale, Peeta and Johanna who were still sat round the table gave me the weirdest look, and then just laughed.

"Food fight." I simply said, reaching into the cupboards for more ingredients. Peeta and Johanna laughed again, and then got up and left the room.

"Why don't you let me take over with Katniss?" Gale said.

"Take over? She doesn't need babysitting, I'm just spending some time with her."

"Well then why don't you let _me_?"

"Because _I_ am." I snapped.

"What are you playing at, Odair?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. Spending so much time with Katniss, flirting with her?"

"She's a good friend."

"What would your girlfriend think, huh? Katniss has serious mental health problems at the moment, she needs someone to lean on, it might all be fun and games for you, but for her... It's _different_. She's gonna become dependent on you, can you be sure your always gonna be there for her like I can be?"

* * *

** Katniss POV**

I was still sat in the puddle of mess in Haymitch's kitchen when I heard the door open and someone come in. I jumped up and shouted "Finnick!", but it was Gale who came into the kitchen carrying ingredients.

"Erm, Finnick got a phone call from Annie, so I thought I'd take over. I make a pretty awesome chocolate cake if you remember."

Annie, of course. I been forgetting Finnicks girlfriend existed.

"Yeah, thanks Gale." I said, my heart a little sunken.


End file.
